Early Meetings with the Mother
In the beginning I only had an idea of the Mother. My friend, Stephen Clarke, from my days on the Ark, spoke of Her, sharing that through what he called “belly clairvoyance” he visited with Her and Her Court on a regular basis. It was like having tea and conversation, he said.
Before the Ark, when I was living near the base of Mt. Shasta, I had a “nature encounter”. Only now do I get it that this is one of the Ways She speaks to us.
While living there I had been touched by Christ, one morning, He gifted me with a vision and a dream together. I was reading for the first time Tomberg’s Meditations on the Tarot. Leaving aside the details, one concrete result was that I was being invited by Him to join the Catholic Church, which I did a few years later.
There was a night, when I was driving down the road to the farm where we were living, and which we were leaving the next day to drive to New England. Suddenly in my headlights was a giant bird, standing in the roadway – a heron. I stepped out of the car, and stood watching this wonder, which after a time rose into the air and disappeared into the night.
I did feel that the local nature was, by this gesture, saying goodbye.
Several years later, when I had retired on social security at age 64, I was living in Prescott, Arizona in a studio that had been created from a garage. I went on a fast to loose weight, and about 12 days in started having visions each morning. I took notes, the fast lasted 45 days, and the following year I wrote my first book “the Way of the Fool”.
During that year, one morning just before sunrise, while I was doing Bardon exercises, I had a sudden impulse to go to the door. I opened it and looked, to find a doe standing there, still and quiet, silently looking back at me. We watched each other for about a minute or two, before she walk slowly away.
Also during this year I had my first direct encounter with Her. I was working on my shadow side, and meditating on my many flaws and follies, and had the thought that He and She knew us intimately. All of us, perpetrators and victims.
My soul cried out in anguish: How can you deal with this knowing of our horrible and terrible natures. She spoke then, to my heart, yet there was a voice in my mind as well. She said: “We turn it into Love”. How that could be done I did not guess – a riddle only in recent years solved.
In 2007 I was living in Fair Oaks, Californian. I discovered I had a-fib. Experimental medicine was offered due to my poverty. It made my emotions very labile. That resulted in a break up, and a move out the next day. A few weeks later, three weeks after having a stress test, I woke feeling very strange, called my former partner, who drove me to the ER.
My first heart attack was while being questioned by the admitting nurse. The second an hour later. I woke up two and half days later, in a room with three of my five children watching and waiting.
Subsequently, a bit recovered, I was at a meeting of the Faust Branch there. They were studying an early work of Paul Emberson’s on computers and such. I experienced the room becoming darker, and spoke into that mood a caution that speaking of “evil” so intimately was calling its presence in to our circle.
Two “friends” of mine, one a Christian Community priest, angrily yelled at me that I didn’t know anything about Anthroposophy.
A few weeks later, the room in which I had been living, after the break up, became not longer available. I had to leave, with the choices being moving to the SF Bay area where three of my children lived, or step off of a cliff, to drive across America in the winter, in a rented car, to a place offered to me by a former friend – a Mohawk shamaness – who had a garage apartment I could live in.
The drive, begun on January 2nd, had many adventures, being in the Winter, and included finding that the rented car had two tires that were threadbare down to the wires.
On Epiphany, I lay down on the motel bed, psychically exhausted as well as physically. I felt such despair from my year of troubles, that I not only wished to die, I wished to no longer exist.
For all of the Holy Nights I had been doing a ritual. It began with speaking aloud the Lord’s Prayer, followed by a self-created prayer of gratitude, ending with reciting the first 14 verses of the John Gospel, as recommended by Steiner in the 12th lecture of his John cycle. Having no ambitions to be, there was nothing left to do but do this rite once more.
With the very first word “Our” I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. For the next three hours, I was helped to meet Beings connected to all the ideas of this rite. I learned, for example, that the whole of the creation says this prayer to the Father, recognizing He made All.
I did not yet recognize the Mother in this, for She acts without seeking credit of any kind. Selfless love and grace on a level we can hardly imagine.
One consequence of my stepping off the cliff to travel eastward, was that in October 2008, I met my Lady. We have been together ever since.
Over the winter of 2009-2010, I was visited by the Lesser and Greater guardians. As a consequence I became very productive. I created over 270 videos for YouTube, wrote my masterwork on a phenomenological study of social-political existence: “The Art of God – an actual theory of Everything”.
Among numerous essays written in the following months was a contemplation of “religion”, which I called: “Saving the Catholic (Christian and universal) Religion, from the failing institutional Roman Church, through deepening our understanding of the Third Fatima Prophecy.”
After posting this work of many months to my internet pages, I walked down the driveway to the mail box to send back a Netflix DVD. As I approached the area where the driveway was nearest two arms of the forest in which we nestled, a river of squirrels poured forth from both sides. Fifty or sixty, dancing and cavorting and chattering back and forth. I stopped dead in my tracks for a couple of minutes, amazed at this wonder.
I strongly suspected that I had made Her happy with that work. My Lady later went on-line and bought me some stuff, with the label: “dances with squirrels”.
Some years later, when my Lady had moved us all to Paxton, MA, I was on the deck wondering about my knees which were getting worse, becoming bone on bone.
To my left, about five feet away, a squirrel limped up onto the deck dragging its right leg. After a pause it moved from shadow into sunlight, faced me directly, its leg no longer limp. A message from the supreme forest messengers: give your knees sunlight and sun warmth.
These days my relationship to Her is more ordinary. A frequent companion when thinking, along with Her Son. A warm wind in the soul, guiding my heart’s mind to regions of new understanding. I ask questions, that I must answer myself, yet in that process never ever alone.